Xing

You weigh everything, that’s what you do—
the decisions, situations, the painful truths.
You think, and somewhere between the thoughts
a choice was made and we both lost—
or so I think.

This one time I wish you didn’t keep your word
that one day you’d take back everything I heard.
But the word’s sticking and days are passing,
hours and minutes spent sleepless, tormenting—
yes, more than I would care to admit.

I made my mistakes, exceeded the bounds
we fought against currents, but something gave out.
Maybe the waves were bigger this time,
wiped clarity out from our once certain minds.

Moving on and walking out
halfway to it I turn around
I drop the bags you yourself have packed
but you tell me again, to just head back
out the proverbial door.

Maybe I’ll camp on a corner somewhere
wait for hope to be shed bare
until it dies a natural death
or until I force myself to forget,
but I might not.

Among the words on endless parade,
coupled with contradicting charades
looking for answers to questions unuttered,
doors closed but windows are left unshuttered,
but we might leave it at that.

Because decisions determine direction
and I lost you somewhere in your mind’s intersections.
You think, and somewhere between the thoughts
a choice was made and we both lost.

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avatar About Rz Fortajada

Rz is a 20 year-old Organizational Communication student of UP Manila. Poems are rare for her, as she believes in inspiration being elusive. She spends her free time sleeping in the library, then spends her sleepless nights writing self-centered blogs and reading.

For chronicles of her life in painful detail, and other off the wall topics, visit her blog at http://alifeinrandomorder.blogspot.com/.

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