Helpless

Each time you smile, my heart stumbles.

Just one look from you, and I’m thrown.

All at once, my resolve crumbles.

All at once, my resistance is gone.

You have such a power over me.

What would you do if you knew?

Would I be subjected to your mockery?

Would I be the ‘fool’ who loved you?

Or would you answer me with kisses,

as sweet as my honeyed dreams,

and feel, as I have felt, helpless –

as helpless as my situation seems.

Pride

It was a day like any other,

and I was as I have always been,

But in one instant, you’ve cut me deep,

and I ponder on my unknown sin.

Have I done any wrong against you?

Have I deserved to be treated this way?

Why have you barred from your presence?

Why have you pushed me away?

These questions plagued me to misery,

to the point of becoming mad.

Was this the end of the friendship?

Would there be no meaning to what we had?

The distance between us lengthened,

and I felt sadder at the thought.

Yet with the pain came the anger

and against your quiet cruelty, I fought.

I fought with my mask and my will.

I fought with righteous indignation.

In the confines of my loneliness,

My pride became my salvation.

I won’t grovel and beg for forgiveness,

when I know not what it is that I’ve done.

If you wish to be rid of me, then so be it.

Ignore me, and I shall be gone.

So we both suffer a loss. I know,

Because you cannot hurt me this way

without feeling as I have been feeling,

yet my pride does not wish me to stay.

If we are to remain as is,

if I continue to hurt like this,

then I’d rather be alone, at peace,

than be constantly reminded of what I miss.

….Who is at fault?

Tempest

The night settles in and rouses unfamiliar, untethered feelings.

Your mouth is but a whisper from mine.

Every touch, every caress, every drift of your fingers leaves a burning trail of gold.

Your breath mingles with my sighs, and your eyes relentlessly – shamelessly – lure me.

I cannot help but be scorched by the fire – trapped in the flames.

All thought, rational or otherwise, has fled my mind.

Only my heart, and the love that threatens to consume it, remains.

I am shattered by the first union of our lips – that foremost tantalizing taste.

Exquisite torture; a piece of heaven.

The entire world fell into oblivion, and I with it.

I dove headfirst into the storm, cresting wave upon wave of unchartered emotions and sensations.

Nothing had ever felt so right; and nothing had ever seemed more dangerous.

Your fingers wound themselves about my hair, and I twine my hands at your nape.

We are so close that the intimacy is already past bearing.

Together, we took from and surrendered to each other.

Breathless, I let you overwhelm my senses.

The clouds gathered and raged. Thunderclaps roared while angry lightning streaked across the sky.

Our bodies are alive with light and sound and freedom.

The wind and rain joined us in a wild, frenzied dance.

Through the blinding pleasure and the haze of distant consciousness, we come upon the universe.

I have come so high that I can catch the stars.

I have all that I need: you, and this love.

This love, which made you my slave, and I, your prisoner.

This love, whose existence I had not known to be possible, until you entered my life.

This love, which I never expected to obscure all of my reason, to drown all of my senses.

This love, which has easily rendered everything else unimportant – including my husband, my children; my responsibilities.

This love, which made me selfish; whose demands caused you to disregard your wife, your children – your responsibilities.

What burned in desire, now burned in shame.

I almost choke at the guilt; it filled my lungs like smoke.

It stung my eyes, and I sought take comfort in your arms, find solace in your words.

I have never been so complete, so content.

But at what cost did we attain this joy?

The pounding in my chest is but a small echo of the storm that has passed.

But in its wake, dreams, hopes, and homes have been destroyed.

Dead Rose

Your cruel thorns have pricked many,

and caused them all to bleed.

Your stems have cursed a-plenty,

yet even then you were but a seed.

 

When rain slid down your petals,

you bloomed lovelier than before.

The tears that flowed from the hearts you’ve pierced,

have only please you more.

 

When the sun finally came,

you bathed in its glorious light,

And you will never be the same,

you’ve just lost the fight.

 

You’re dried and parched and wilted,

yet you still long for its rays.

You’re broken, blunt, and jilted,

and you’ve fallen far from grace.

 

So it ends here; the rain is gone,

and the thorns shall prick no more.

One by one your petals have blown,

and fallen to the floor.

Joshua

Our differences may run too deep,

I may only meet you in my sleep,

Yet I can feel the longing burn,

and I doubt you know it’s for you I yearn.

 

I would cross this insurmountable breach

that keeps you just beyond my reach.

I would if I could – I’d do it all,

so that in love, we both could fall.

 

And as cliche as it may seem,

I dare to imagine, dare to dream,

that it won’t matter who we are –

how you’re so close yet still so far.

 

But, dreaming, I wake up to truth.

In this life, in our youth,

even though I wish that you could be,

Dear Joshua, you’re not the one for me.

Secrets

The townspeople are watching with a terrible flame in their eyes;

spitting venom and disdain, as if they have all the right to judge, vindicate, and condemn.

The foulness of their breaths are surpassed onlyby the poison of their words.

They believe with such conviction the lies that live off a reputation – a name.

The sensationalism and scandal feed their hungry minds, appease their appetite for excitement.

Who or what is there to blame, but they themselves and the dreary lives they lead?

What else is there to do, but to scatter a rotten, defiled truth to the vultures that may gorge from it?

Is there no choice? Must we continue to look with veiled eyes and think with contemptuous, albeit false, thoughts?

A malignant human defection, is what it is.

Lest we cower in our own secrets, there is no end to the malicious ways of diversion, or concealment, or naked slander.

It is what is it is, as it has been for centuries and millenia afore.

Throwing Caution to the Wind

Mesmerized by the music,

hypnotized by the beat,

I groove with the swaying bodies,

 and I move with the dancing feet.

 

The noise of the crowd is unbearable

and the smoke gets in my eyes;

but my worries melt with the rhythm,

and the voice of my reason dies.

 

There is reckless abandon

and the desperate, pulsing need

to be swallowed up by the vices —

by lust and pride and greed.

 

My wall of boundaries fall

and society’s bonds are torn.

In the dim light and vibrating mist,

I am free from smite and scorn.

 

The night wears on without the time

and I begin to tire.

I thought there was no end to this song;

no water to douse the fire.

 

But the sweat drips with the tears

and the dawn mixes with the night.

My strength wanes in the glow,

and my head clears with the light.

 

My mind was up in the clouds

and my body was a slave to sound.

But I couldn’t escape reality;

the truth comes back around.

 

A wise word to the fallen,

a warning to those who have sinned:

there is nothing that comes from being careless

and throwing caution to the wind.

A Little Short of…

Because I’m afraid to scream

and I’m afraid to cry;

and the moment dies without my

being able to know why.

 

Why is there drought in my feelings?

Why is my heart made of stone?

Why can I remain unhurt,

yet still feel so alone?

 

The answers all escape me,

as my emotions have done before.

One by one, like my friends,

they went walking out the door.

 

So I am left here to tremble

in the wake of my lonesomeness;

Yet I only feel a biting cold;

nothing more, and nothing less.

A Dose of Pain

A cup of sadness, a dose of pain;

It’s all I can do to keep from going insane.

I let myself go; I’m under your spell.

You laugh at your conquest while I’m feeling unwell.

The blame is on me. I’ve drunk too much;

So shamefully addicted to you and your touch;

Madness surrounds me when we are apart,

That I can’t calm this desperation in my heart.

Intoxication and feverish dreams.

The sky’s the limit, or so it seems.

I get so high above it all,

But the higher I get, the harder I fall.

So hard to resist, tempting as it is.

When gone, I know I shall dreadfully miss

The pounding need and heady obsession

To be in your presence, and in your possession.

Hush

The air is rustling with secret whispers.

Can you hear them?

Do you want to?

The breath of life, of love, and death.

Such disheartening whispers.

I try to drown them out with my voice,

but it seems even that has been entranced,

now that the wind has subdued it.

Such soft murmurs.

I can barely hear them, yet even now I am terrified –

afraid to be rendered deaf by the overflow of emotion.

Such subtle words.

Now i hear chimes,

with their cheerful tinkling

that never ceases to darken my mood.

They diffused the whispers,

Just as my voice failed to do so.

The charm of the metal trinkets breaks the spell.

I am swamped with awe as well as relief.

Iration soon follows.

Although I mistrust those breezy, scarcely audible, tales,

the unearthly sound brings upon such a spell that I can do nothing else

but listen and crave for more.

The chimes have stilled.

I let out my own breath,

Pursing my lips to blow lightly,

ever so lightly,

toward that intangible mist of whispers.

I feel weary, but astonishingly pleased.

My strength has left with the wind,

and I find myself strangely peaceful and at ease.

 Do not fret for me. My voice will follow that of the air,

and my stories will mingle with theirs.

I am content,

for what has always been shrouded in cloudy murmurs,

now lays undisturbed and calm.

Let me rest.

I’ve spared my last breath to the wind.

I am through listening.

The Halves

The tiny flame of a candle flickers in the dark,

And I shut my soul away from what I’ve done.

My sins weigh me down, bare, exposed and stark.

At last, the final shreds of my innocence are gone.

Within the shadows, I beget power and glory;

Within the shadows, I forget life and humanity.

Cruel as I am, sin is not my only story.

To live two lives, two hearts, became my destiny.

A wicked mind equals only a pure thought,

And a kind spirit levels only with a brutal soul.

From the candle’s tiny flame, light was brought,

and a vision in the dark makes each part whole.

As one, as two, they merge and they clash,

A fight and an alliance, both at the same time.

One of innocence, one of malice, both of chance,

And both are subjected to one; both are mine.