How does it feel to gradually fall in love and not even notice it?
You find yourself staying up very late waiting for someone to get online. You find yourself beside your telephone, and expecting it to ring in a few seconds. You find yourself imagining him fetching you at the gates of your university. You find yourself imagining both of you talking over small fights when you two finally go into a relationship. You find yourself smiling with no reason at all. You find yourself listening to Paolo Santos’ Close over and over again. You find yourself doodling behind your notebook with your first name with his last name. You find yourself taking a picture of him using your cell phone from your computer and making it as your wallpaper. You find yourself slowly losing your sanity, and your logic.
How many times have you fallen in love before?
It seems like you haven’t experience how hard sacrificing could get just to see him online, just to hear his cold voice, just to listen to his thoughts, and see him smile from afar.
And to finally wait for that person gets heavy inside, especially when it seems like there’s no chance for the two of you to talk your hearts out again.
You deny the fact that you fell already, with eyes closed, with smiles full of hopes and with hands clasped together.
It makes you feel like you’re floating, it makes you feel like there’s this another chance to make love work, this time, the way you want it to be: different from others’ way, your own method, and your own style.
And to wait for him, is like waiting for rain to fall in the middle of summer.
It’s like trying to insist that he would call or send you a message or get online, when you have no assurance that he will.
It’s like gambling your feelings and your versatile heart, to get hurt, or to survive with a smile nailed upon your face. It’s like trying to fly with such small wings, it’s like… pretending that love never happened to you before.
And it feels greater to know that you’re not the only one who's falling gradually, there is also someone that experiences the irrationalities of falling in love. You feel the youth of your emotions being electrocuted by him when he talks to you, or simply when he goes online. You see your friend feeling the same way, and dealing with it the same way as you are: like unconsciously WAITING for love to bloom eventually, hopefully.
New and fresh and revitalized you: you think it’s the beginning of everything.
You are quite ready, you’re not sure if you are, but there’s one thing you know: YOU ARE SO WILLING TO WAIT.
Even if you don’t know what might happen, what might turn out, you just love the feeling of risking your all, because there’s something inside of you that shouts ‘it’s possible, maybe there’s something waiting for both of you’.
It makes you high, it makes you smile, it makes you jump and it gets you excited. But most of all, it makes you hope again, it makes you believe and trust on things you don’t see: EMOTIONS.
Love, it’s simply a two-way street. You just don’t know where you’d meet and when.
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About emanilapoetry emanilapoetry formally opened on 19 June 2005 and is an online community of more than 400 writers and poets from various countries. As at 28 Sept 2007, this site has more 6,862 poem entries in archives.
